Monday, February 10, 2014

Sexy Sex

This is part 3 in a series on sex (because I promise that talking about sex will not turn you into a porn fiend. It will probably do the exact opposite). Part I. Part II.

So, sexy Catholic sex. This is the middle ground, the liberal and pure as opposed to the libertine or puritan. This isn't even really Catholic sex insomuch as it is HUMAN sex. Like I said last time, sex is marriage, and marriage is what we call a "natural" sacrament, that is it comes from our nature and was ratified by Jesus as a sacrament (as opposed to the Eucharist or Ordination which was directly instituted by Him as a new thing).

So Sex. Marriage. Love. There are so many ways to get it wrong, how do we get it right?

Let's start with love. There's a reason that we call sex "Making Love." It does. It's meant to be a love factory. The endorphins trigger the emotional "in love," while the intimacy promotes the development of authentic, self giving love that gets us through the daily grind.

What can we say about love? So many things, but I want to focus on 4, the 4 marks of authentic love. True love, any love, the love of a friend, a child, a neighbor, an enemy, or your spouse, must have these characteristics:

  • Free
  • Faithful
  • Fruitful
  • Total

Love is free, which means it cannot be bought or sold, but must be a gift. It must be liberal in the truest sense of the word.

Love is faithful, which means we make promises to our beloved and keep them, and we believe our beloved when they make promises to us.

Love is fruitful, which means it must give life, be it through edification or procreation.

Love is total, which means you cannot hold back in love. You can never say "satis," enough. You can never love too much, there is always more love to give, and always more love to receive.

These are the four signs by which we know love, and they are the source of the Church's teachings on sexual morality.

Rape, be it forcible, coercive, or statutory, violates freedom. This includes rape within a marriage (yes, it is possible and it does happen), wherein what should be waited for and accepted as a gift is taken by force.

Premarital sex and adultery - fornication - are offenses against fidelity. No promise of faithfulness is given, or a promise to faithfulness is broken.

Artificial contraception is an offense against fruitfulness. The life giving character - the natural end of human sexuality - is thwarted.

All of the above and Lady Gaga are offenses against totality. We withhold something, keep it for ourselves, as we hold back our fertility by using artificial contraception. We are not giving of ourselves, our whole selves, our true selves.

In "Do What U Want," Lady Gaga sings that "You can't have my heart, and you won't use my mind, but do what you want with my body." What dry, empty, mechanical, meaningless sex that is! Some of the most edifying conversations between me and the Mrs. have been in the midst of sex! I don't necessarily remember them later, but it's not about planning, or coming up with some idea, it's about communicating myself to my wife body, mind, and heart, and receiving her communication in return body, mind, and heart.

To love is to desire union with the beloved, to be one with the beloved, to be connatural with the beloved. In the marital embrace, in the sexy human sex, that means that I do not simply "Do what I want" with my beloved's body, but rather I give my body to her, my mind to her, my heart to her, and receive her body, her mind, and her heart as gift.

And that's the really great thing about authentic sexuality, it's so freeing! Hollywood's got it wrong, not every sexual encounter is a mind-blowing orgasm fest between two perfect people. Sometimes it is (or at least it feels that way), but sometimes it's 5 minutes alone in a locked room because it's the only time you could find to get away from the children.

Sometimes it's more about games and cleverness, sometimes it's more about the passionate dance of two bodies, and sometimes it's just a time to forget everything else and drown in the love of the beloved, but every time it is done right, it is an experience of my beloved and I becoming one.

It is to touch heaven.

Booth:

All of us are basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other. All searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some, they just give up hope because in their mind they're thinking "Oh, there’s nobody out there for me."

But all of us, we keep trying over, and over again. Why? Because every once in a while, every once in a while, two people meet. And there’s that spark.

And yes Bones, he’s handsome. And she’s beautiful. And maybe that’s all they see at first... But making love? Making. Love. That’s when two people become one.

Brennan:

It is... scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

Booth:

Yeah, but what’s important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.

Brennan:

To what? Breaking the laws of physics?

Booth:

Yeah, Bones. A miracle. Those people- role-playing and their fetishes and their little sex games- It’s crappy sex. Well, at least compared to the real thing.

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