Thursday, April 14, 2011

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

It's official.

Men. Are. Pigs.

I know this gets screamed all the time by all different types, but in a number of cases, it is really and truly true.

Well, no, that's not quite true. To say that a man is a pig is a contradiction. We have become all too fond of denominating an adult male by use of the term "Man," but the truth of the matter is that it is not that simple. It is, unfortunately, not automatic.

Better to say that many who we call men are in fact not, but merely boys trapped in an adult body without the faculties necessary to have achieved the noble title of "Man."

Some of you may recognize the image above as from an ad campaign by Trojan™ condoms, which basically implied that a man was a pig unless he carried Trojan™ condoms on his person. This is because, of course, it's okay to intend to have sex with a woman you just met, after both of you have become mildly to extremely inebriated, so long as you have "protection."

Of course.

The only protection needed in those circumstances is a bottle of mace. Or a shotgun.

The astute observer will by this point have noted that that campaign is not exactly recent, and that there must be another impetus for this particular post, and they would be right. Because they are astute. Why don't we get together and call ourselves an institute?

Sorry, Paul Simon makes me happy.

I recently had to pull out the "It's time to stop the rape jokes, they're not funny" card in a group of personages who will remain more or less anonymous. This is, unfortunately, not the first time I have had to pull out this card with this group. The time before, one of the males in question made the assertion that another person was "raping" him, because they were on a team together and he had been told to take care of some administrative work for the team.

After he had repeated his protestation several times, to the effect of, "Seriously, what you're doing right now is basically raping me," I quite simply told him that that was not funny, and that it was time for him to stop. He didn't understand, protested that it's just a joke, to which I simply replied that I know too many women who have been raped to make any such joke funny. It is not funny. You should stop.

He kept asking me why I was getting angry with him, to which I replied that I am not - and I wasn't, really, any more than I would be angry with a puppy that hasn't been house trained, though the pressure was indeed building - and eventually had to resort to interrupting him every time he opened his mouth with, "<Name>, let's drop this. This conversation is over. Drop it."

Bad enough, but unfortunately not as bad as this afternoon.

The discussion of several of these personages, the young male involved in the above encounter included, drifted to their current respective stocks of alcohol, and the uses thereof, which then led to this aforementioned young male expounding upon his technique for hooking up with freshmen:
So, basically, this is how I hit on them <approaches another guy to use as an example, putting his arms around the other's shoulders>, and then I say, "Let's go back to my place, I've got a hot tub," but then by the time we get there, I don't have a hot tub, but it doesn't matter, because she's forgotten why she came in the first place, so she thinks she just came with me for everything else.
After making it clear to him in no uncertain terms what I thought of that, he defended himself, saying that he was getting drunk too, and those girls made the decision to go to that party and get drunk. Others of the young males defended him in this, blaming these young ladies, because obviously these males in question wouldn't be doing this if these girls weren't showing up at these parties drunk.

No. No. No. No, No, NO, NO!!!!!!!

Even granting that these young ladies are making poor choices, I allowed, do you not see your own hand in building this situation? Do you not see how you are enabling this? If you recognize it as not good, then why are you being a part of it? If she is that drunk, she is too drunk to give consent. If she is that drunk you cannot assume consent.

At some point during this conversation I told the young initiator of this line of discussion, "So basically, as the father of a daughter, you're the type of man I'll be coming after with a shotgun."

They agreed, but continued to defend themselves. After all, it is my responsibility to not raise a slut for a daughter, they said, also referencing Chris Rock: "Daddies, it's your job to keep your daughters off the pole."

And you know what, they are absolutely right, it is absolutely my responsibility to raise a daughter who has too much self worth to even interact with this type of cretin.

But what about the daughters who had no fathers, or whose fathers were abusive <insert appropriate sentiment here />? You acknowledge that their "daddy issues" are a brokenness, but more over say that it makes them fair game?

You are not men. Not even boys, because boys at least have some innocence. You are predators. You prey on the weak who you should be defending, defending them even against themselves.

You claim that it is not your fault while you objectify women, making it clear that the type of woman you want to be with is one who is hot and puts out. Are you truly so blind to your part in this? Let those with eyes see.

It used to be that courage, honor, valor, integrity, these were the things that made you a man.

It seems that to today's society, what makes a man is the condom.

7 comments:

  1. I R Not a pig :(

    Ok, so really I am not. Never been a partier nor the guy that waits for girls to tip back one too many, but I feel I must stand up for my animal friends. I will limit my defense because it is tough to defend someone making fun of rape.

    Lets say men are alligators, Frat parties are swamps (or is it crocodiles in swamps?), drinking is splashing around loudly, and having sex while very intoxicated is getting your leg bitten off.

    Now for some assumptions:
    1 Getting your leg bitten off is a bad thing
    2 What alligators are doing is bad
    3 Everyone knows that alligators are attracted to noise in the swamp
    4 Alligators seem unwilling to change their ways

    Why do we keep feeling bad for the women who choose to enter swamps surrounded by alligators and splash around loudly when the last time they did the VERY SAME THING (sometimes in the same flippin swamp!!) they got their leg bitten off. For that matter, some women appear to have tens to hundreds of legs...mutants!

    Rape is bad. Taking advantage of someone who is *just* sober enough to "consent" is bad. But EVERYONE needs to realize their actions have consequences, even if those consequences are unfair. It is simply unbelievable how successful these "men" have been for years upon years using this same strategy.

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  2. Ok, now that I am done being pissed off.

    And yes, I was actually angry at this blog. Yes, the counter argument to everything I said is "Women should be able to do whatever they want without consequences that are greater than what men would expect to get." To that I simply say to you, walk into a biker bar...Find a minivan to roll up in first...bring your brightest shirts possible.

    I am not saying it is not the men's fault, it is, mostly. Is it also the mens fault when they are flirted with all night long by women who simply want free drinks?

    It appears you want to treat the bar scene/frat party as a normal functioning part of society when I can promise you it is not. The same rules do not apply. Take for instance that women pay half price or nothing at all. Where else do you see price discrimination based on gender?

    Again, I am not defending this behavior nor have I ever participated in it. I just get angered by the way it appears our society is attempting to blame and punish men 100% with the women being the innocent one no matter the facts. I.e. the spike in false rape claims lately, men will serve 30 years for the claim just on a woman's word, but when the truth comes out she serves no time at all.

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  3. I'm really with you, Jeremiah, on this one. To be called a man, you need to live up to a standard. Taking advantage of women, whether they ask for it or not, is failing to live up to that standard. When people make bad choices, enabling them is a bad choice in itself.

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  4. I completely agree with everything you said here, with one addition:

    Women are factors often enough to throw them into the equation.

    Now, when both parties make bad decisions, then you get the problem previously mentioned. However, in the event that one party makes a good decision, you get a situation that I like to think of as a bit classier. That is, phone numbers are given/exchanged, and the two get to know each other before anyone gets "invested" (I can't come up with a better word right now).

    In short, women contribute to the problem, but it only takes one to make the right decision, and personally I put that burden on the male. I would elaborate more on why, but I'm tired.

    There is so much you can argue/debate/discuss with this issue...plenty more room for discussion.

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  5. I'm not sure if that's the same person or two people, so I'll treat the comments as from two individuals, whom I now name Anon1 and Anon2.

    I think I pretty much agree with both of your main points, to be honest. I think that is a very apt description of many frat/other parties, Anon1. I did not spend much time on it, but I did note in my original post that, yes, the young women involved are making poor decisions. However, while that is a factor, a number of women (particularly the freshman that the young male in question was describing how we pursued) are very vulnerable, insecure, and naïve. These are not girls who know what they're doing, who know who they are and what they want. They may be making poor choices, true, but are you willing to say that that justifies the predator in taking them?

    Anon2, actually I think that's a really horrible counter-argument, to be perfectly honest. I do think that the current price is too high, but there are indeed consequences to actions, and there always will be, and there always should be. As to the various scenes, the problem is that they are a functioning part of our society, which just points to how warped said society is right now.

    If we were talking BDSM clubs, I could maybe agree with you. Those aren't in almost every city and town in the united states. Those aren't accessible to just everyone. But the sad fact is that you can walk into most if not all bars in the U.S. and see at least some type of this behavior.

    I think Alex A. got what I was trying to say. This wasn't so much an exhortation on the wonder of women and the evils of men, so much as a man calling to his brothers to be men.

    I REFUSE to sit by while my brothers do this to themselves. The alligators may not want to change, but their lack of change will not be for want of me and whoever will join me telling them of the filth in which they bathe, and if that means pulling a "Gibbs" and smacking them upside the head now and again, so be it.

    Anons 1 & 2, it seems you agree with me that those who commit these acts, even on the borderline of the level of inebriation required to not be able to consent or say no, are reprehensible. All I'm really asking is for men to be men, to see this, to see this as an issue, and to stand against it.

    Why? Because those "alligators" are supposed to be men. Are we too lost in despair that we condemn these males as beyond redemption? Are we so cowed by society's hookup culture that we have lost the courage to stand up and say that something needs to change? Sometimes the charge is a harsh one, and hard to swallow, but as men we need that. We need other men to smack us over the head when do things like this, to tell us it is wrong, to call us out into greater masculinity, into true manhood.

    And you know what, I do say that you should wait until marriage to have sex. Sex is meant, ab initio, for the intimacy of the marriage of one man and one women. That being said, I'd take it as a tremendous societal leap forward if we at least were having relations with people we cared about to some degree for more than their body. People whose names we would remember in the morning. Is that really so much to ask?

    Or are we finally willing to admit the truth that to this society, women with insecurities (that men have done much to put there) are a fair prey for the satiation of our lusts?

    As a side not, there will be a guest blog post coming shortly relating the female side of things. Stay tuned.

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  6. I am Anon1 and 2. I felt that my first post was just a rant with too many similes to be taken seriously...

    I find it interesting that you describe these younger women as "very vulnerable, insecure..." when these same words are sometimes used to describe men who feel that the number of different sexual encounters defines masculinity. To answer your question, in NO way do i intend anything I say to be a justification for these actions. I feel as though nothing I say at this point can top an NCIS reference...

    I respect your *choice* to wait till marriage to have sex, but in this country I feel it must remain a choice. Myself, I plan to wait until the right girl comes around and decide from there.

    The world would be a better place if sex was not an ice breaker though...

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  7. Fair enough, I wondered but felt like playing it safe.

    Both your posts make good points.

    As to that description being applied to guys, absolutely. That's kind of why I wasn't really angry at the one guy, any more than I would be a puppy that hasn't been house trained.

    The thing is, that those insecurities (in both young men and women alike) have in most cases been put there by societies version of man. The only real way I see to counteract this is to, as a man, stand up and say no. After all, if I am a confident, relatively good looking man who is fairly popular in my circles, well spoken etc., if I can say, "Look at me. I am clearly a man, and I did not need to subscribe to these false ideals to become a man," it shows those insecure boys a way into manhood that does not demean them by making them into predators, and does not demean the women they otherwise may have preyed upon.

    As to law, I never said anything about making anything legal or illegal. I agree, that would be a foolish law to have. I have found it to be the truest expression of human sexuality, but that said, I thank you for at least knowing the woman you will be sleeping with. I think your last line succinctly sums up what I was trying to say at the end of my previous comment.

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Keep it civil, keep it thoughtful. Vulgarity will be deleted immediately. Thanks for reading!